Perfectionism

Recovery from perfectionism is an inside job.

Perfectionistic symptoms or behaviors didn’t start because you thought it was cool to just push hard, excel and stand out in all things.

So many of us tried to use being the best or not making any mistakes as a way to SURVIVE critical parents, teachers, coaches and peer bullying.

And I’ll be damned if this strategy didn’t follow us into adulthood.

Getting to the root of the struggle makes all the difference. With curiosity and calm I help you shift the outside behaviors by finding out what motivates you to work so hard on the inside. (hint…its usually fear of judgment aka – shame.)

You’ll find clarity in separating yourself from the tangle of thoughts, feelings and actions that perfectionism creates.

And it starts with mindful self-compassion.

Believe me I balked at that phrase too. It’s the complete opposite of striving, proving and hustling.

THANK GOD.

Most of us do want to be kinder to ourselves though.

We are way too intimate with our inner critics and the harshness has frankly gotten out of hand.

We treat almost everyone else in a friendlier way than we treat ourselves.

Here’s what you’ve been living with:

• Hustle and strive as the baseline effort
• “No matter what” mentality
• Prove and prove again, and again, until you die
• Produce, achieve and succeed
• Going above and beyond to check all the boxes
• Having to earn rest or time off

If you have no idea how to start shifting this well-worn pattern, keep scrolling!

How to become more human

and less robot

(in other words – how counseling and coaching for perfectionism can help)

Mindfulness practices

• Slowing down thoughts in order to catch them in action. Learning to neutralize them so they don’t hijack your emotional state.
• Understanding how difficult and negative emotions come from skewed and outdated thoughts and beliefs.
• Freedom to choose your behaviors instead of reacting.

Internal Family Systems

• Learning that perfectionism is a *part* of your survival strategy. No longer believing “This is just how my life is, just who I am and how it will always be for me.“
• Relaxing the harsh inner critic’s voice by getting to know it better. (Sounds weird but, it’s a game changer.)
• Understanding how to comfort and care for yourself. Less needing recognition and praise from outside sources to feel worthy.

Emotional Intelligence (*this makes us a good leader)

• Learning emotions are important signals of how you’re doing.
• Learning to separate from emotions then act from a place of clarity instead of reactivity.
• Naming emotions and communicating clearly and confidently what you need.

Perfectionism focuses on being fast, efficient, smart, ready at a moment’s notice and inexhaustible.

And that amount of pressure and stress is unsustainable. 

How do I know? 

Because I am a perfectionist too.

*BTW – if you got to the part of the page…thanks. It took me like a long ass time to put this page together because…well…perfectionism. I just wanted to cover all the bases you know? Yeh, you know.

Counseling for perfectionism allows you to reclaim your time, energy and identity.  

Results of this work:

• Redefining success and relaxing standards. What am I good at, not what I think I should be good at or what someone else needs me to be like.
• Working with anxiety instead of against it. Less pushing it down, overriding it or flat out avoiding it.
• No longer letting the critic be the first and only voice you listen to.
• Letting go of comparing so much. What others have isn’t always what is best for you.
• Learning to listen to your gut and intuition and follow it without self-doubt.
• No longer seeing yourself as a failure because you can’t make this impossible thing work out quickly and smoothly.
• Give yourself permission to not do whatever you think has to be done. Scheduling time to fill up your cup, so when you need to work, you have energy to do it.

People pleasing and trying to be perfect were automatic for me.

I wouldn’t realize I had been lost in hustling and striving until my appetite disappeared, I couldn’t sleep for a few nights and I hated everyone.

Burnout woke me up.
And here I am poking you to wake up too.

Even though you’ve gotten used to over functioning to prove yourself and hopefully receive love, praise or simply a little bit of positive attention…

You are so much more than what you can produce in this world!

You are not a never-ending improvement project.

I’m here to change this with you!

I know you are tired of waking up to your ridiculously long to-do list.

I know you’re over the constant self-assessment and feeling like you still come up short.

I know you’re not exactly sure YOU have a middle ground or a grain of balance in you.  

Here’s what I can offer through Counseling and Coaching for perfectionism:

You’ll move from just getting through our day to finding enjoyment in things that you used to tightly prioritize. 

You’ll learn to move from automatically listening to the constant pressure of the internal micromanager to recognizing what triggers this part as well as what you need to help from getting triggered in the first place!

You’l learn to move from a focus on image management to an actual appreciation of what you uniquely bring to the table. 

*Listen…even though I am going to teach you how to be nice to yourself I still respect the love of a good challenge (like any other perfectionist/high achiever does!)

That’s why I suggest coaching for treating perfectionism.

It’s more goal and action oriented and lets you clearly see how you are moving the needle towards recovery.